Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Did we literally take a cab across the street
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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