Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
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Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
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The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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