i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I queefed so loud it echoed.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
