last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
