I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
