i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
