weddingsv make me drug and hornr
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
