Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
