I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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