I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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