Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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