even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
