cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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