Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
