My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
