Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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