I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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