i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
