I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
