Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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