my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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