I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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