1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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