there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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