It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
