i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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