Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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