it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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