My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
