Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
