I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
