she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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