We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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