thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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