I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
