I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
