I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
