He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
