We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Randomize
