return my video game
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
