I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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