i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
