Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
