Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
