We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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