One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
