Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
