i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
