Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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