my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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