2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He better not be in your backpack
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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