I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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