i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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