What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
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