At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
