Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Randomize
