lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
