My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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