It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
