If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
