I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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