Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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