Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
