I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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