South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
