So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
