I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
