fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
