he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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