My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize