It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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