either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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