i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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