saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
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He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
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If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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