Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
