Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
