I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
