Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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