Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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